Relationships

My Mother is the oldest of eight children.  On top of that, my Grandfather passed away at the age of 48, when the youngest was 5.  Even with those challenges, every one pretty much gets along.  When you think about it - that is pretty impressive.  Those are alot of different personalities and lifestyles and circumstances, yet somehow no one seems to hate each other, or even dislike each other.  I'm not saying it is perfect and everyone agrees with each other.  That is the thing - we can all have different opinions but still respect and support each other.  Even better, people seem to tell each other when they don't agree with something or feel something is wrong.  I think that makes things stronger.  If everyone simply fake smiled and said "oh yeah, that sounds great" than the true relationship is lost.  You are not sharing your feelings or beliefs or your reasons for them.  Your relationship can only go as deep as you're willing to share.  People should be able to disagree, even argue, and then move on.  It is what shows you care about something and someone. 

My relationships are no where near perfect.  I have so many lost or broken or strained ones it is just sad.  I think one part of that is because I refuse to be fake.  I care too much for that.  I'm not going to sit there and ignore when I feel someone I love is doing something wrong or that can hurt them or that is hurting me.  This is something I actually feel more STRONGLY about as I have gotten older.  I was recently told that I am supposed to stay quiet to "keep the peace" and that I just don't get it.  I don't feel that works.  When you've ignored things in a relationship and continue to ignore them and just act like everything is okay and hunky dorey - when has that ever been a peaceful relationship?  Have you been "at peace" with it?  If you have someone that is doing something you feel can hurt them and you don't say something and they end up getting harmed, are you at peace with that?  If someone hurts you or violates your trust and you say nothing, are you at peace with that?  

I'm a giver.  I try to make life easier for people.  I give my time, effort, energy and money to help make the lives of those around me easier.  I am fiercely loyal and look out for those I love - but am deeply hurt when that loyalty isn't returned.  The one thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that you can't always makes someones life easier.  Some people just don't want that help.  You can drag a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.  It hurts and is very painful when you see where you tried to help and someone didn't want it and things go badly in the end, but I will always be able to at least say I tried.  I'm sure some people mistake my efforts to help people as self interest.  I guess on some level it is - isn't everyone better off when disasters or hardships are averted?  I personally do not wish suffering on anyone - but, as I've learned, it can't always be helped.  I've also learned that many of my relationship approaches are based on morals.  I honestly care about people but also care about my own concious.  Basically - at the end of the day, being able to be at "peace" with myself is the most important thing.  Being at peace with myself means constant self evaluation, critique and adjustments.  I'm not perfect and people will not always accept me for who I am, but at the end of the day, I know I try my best to be a good person and to look out for others.


I also have to give a shout out to my Grandmother.  In the last several years our relationship has grown so much.  She is a wonderful person with such an amazing outlook on life.  She has had her fair share of hardships (can you imagine having your husband pass away like that?!) but she never complains.  She feels she has truly been blessed and has had a great life.  There are several things that have made the last couple years tough and she has been such a great support for me.  I know I can call her about pretty much anything and feel better afterwards.  I try to embrace her outlook on life.  We are very blessed.  We have made tough choices and worked very hard - but life is good. 

I also have some great family.  Those seven aunts and uncles are spread all over the US - and sometimes out of the US - but are there for me as well when I need it.  Round that up with some great friends and again, life is good. 

I also appreciate how you all have embraced Chris into the family.  I love that he and my sister have pretty much a brother-sister relationship.  They can say anything and everything to each other.  Even the mean things.  Which Chris does......regularly......and really seems to enjoy...... :-)  Of course, like a good sister, she gives it right back.


It all means a lot to me and I thank you all.