Geeze, it's almost been a month since I posted, huh? I still haven't shared my trip back to Maryland, or Papa's trip to DC for his testing for school or another camping trip or how the kids are doing.
I've got a confession: I've been having some cloudy days. I've been overwhelmed. I don't want to say "depressed" but maybe that is accurate.
Here is the reality:
My husband has been going to school since we met, with only brief breaks here and there. I have had two children while he has been in school, with him not missing a day of class during the whole process. I haven't had the bubble of "support" that I would have desired during either pregnancy or the post partum phase. We are essentially on our own here. I take care of everything: childcare, cleaning, cooking, shopping, yard work, scheduling, planning, finances. Any free time Papa has is spent with the children. I don't really see him at all. He is an amazingly hard worker, but he also tends to "shut down" when he gets overstressed. That has happened several times in the past year and a half with our move, starting this program, having a new baby.....and I am the one that picks up the slack and loads us all in the family wheelbarrow and starts pushing us through it. That's what I do. That is, and always has been, my role.
I also have a baby boy that is almost one year old but I can only count on one hand the number of times he has slept through the night with no wake ups. I get up with him, I don't ask my husband to. Between work and school I honestly don't know what more I could ask of him.
This leaves me not having much support for myself. Who can pick up that slack when I just can't bear it anymore? See my conundrum? I've been overworked, overtired and feeling underappreciated.
This isn't a pitty party, just reality. I've been working on pulling myself out of my funk and I seem to finally be making headway. Getting organized is a huge help. We are having a yard sale this weekend to declutter, I have scheduled out my weeks with the kids with church playgroup (which I'm in charge of now), helping with church preschool, attending meetups and have even scheduled out my cleaning. My schedule includes at least three morning workouts. I need those. Even just that alone time in the car. Even at 5am.
People comment all the time that I am "superwoman" or an inspiration to them. That is very kind but the reality is that, just like everyone else, I am just doing the best I can to stay afloat. I have bad days, just like everyone else.
I believe that women are strong and capable and want Little Lady growing up knowing she can be a doctor or a nurse or a lawyer or an accountant or a farmer or an Olympic lifter. She can also grow up and take on one of the toughest jobs I have ever had - being a wife and mother. Being the backbone of an entire household is a huge task and requires a very strong woman. I'll admit, my back has been getting tired, but I've got 16 more months to get us through. Staying consistent with CrossFit should help. ;-)
But, if you've wondered where the posts have been and what we've been up to - that's it. I'm getting more organized again and feeling better, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up on them soon.
'Till then.
